When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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