you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
