so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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