I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize