I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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