My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
