I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You did what with his pubic hair?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
