um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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