Someone shit on the floor
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
