Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
