im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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