She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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