you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
