yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize