first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
