so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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