I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
