ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize