Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
