This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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