I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
