I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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