Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We left the knife in your bed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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