you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
