I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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