I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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