operation have a gay friend backfired
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The ass gains better be worth it
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