Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
