Non-Jews are for practice
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
