FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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