You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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