I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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