he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
