I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
