he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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