some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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