apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
