What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
