but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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