textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
