Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
