its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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