cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
