So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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