I'm lost and stupid without you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
