There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
