we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
