he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
