Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
