i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
