i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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