hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
