You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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