im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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