Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
