Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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