420 ftw
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
