She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
