Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
