none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
