and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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