I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
