I CAN MOONWALK!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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