I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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