Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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